Notes From The Devil Dollhaus – 2015

. . . I have what is called in diagnostic language schizoaffective disorder v. depressive features. I’m close to graduating from a sobriety program, though I’m not sure I prefer total sobriety to moderation. Either way, “self-medication”, popular with many of us, may exacerbate some mental conditions. At this point me and my weirdness are like conjoined siblings accepting of the fact. I know. We’re all supposed to be shooting for “wellness”, “recovery”, and many times I have read from other bloggers a desire to be “normal”. I think my brother is that, “normal” cuz’ he lives in Phoenix and tonight he went to the SuperBowl. Supposedly doing that ran anywhere from $24 to $180,000. I heard.

But…ok, so I don’t like severe mood swings, agitation, anxiety…but I couldn’t honestly say I want “normalcy”, a life without the strange visions and sounds that I’ve started learning to draw inspiration from rather than try to figure out or “cure”. Right now I feel hypervigilant and electric orange crackles around the room. Sometimes things like that would bother me. But right now I’m thinking — what if this is a different way of being and perceiving? What if I think it’s nice to be engulfed in a warm orange and magenta buzz? What if turning self-injury into artworks is actually positive and transformational?

What if we had a culture that did away with the whole concept of “normal” and didn’t just pay lip service to ideas like “think different” to sell stuff, but actually met those who do with awareness instead of stigma?

Read more of Jenny’s story. Visit Blog For Mental Health 2015 | Notes From The Devil Dollhaus.