Monthly Archives: February 2015

writing out depression

While I may not always include the word depression in my posts, my life, my experiences, my reactions, my relationships are all effected by it. That is to also say that while my blog site is titled ‘writing out depression’ I’m not always in a depressed state of mind. Depression is apart of me but it does not define me. While some days it certainly feels all consuming, I know that I am more than just my mental state. I write about the ups, the downs, things I’m passionate about and sometimes just silly things that are on my mind.

I look forward to connecting with others that wish to end the stigma and reinforce the importance of learning what mental health recovery means.

Read more of Jinx’s story. Visit Blog for Mental Health | writing out depression.

Advertisements

Blogging for Therapy

Things were at a low for me about two years ago. I was so depressed that I couldn’t enjoy much of anything, despite having a wonderful husband and son, and I would stay away night after night, freaking out about everything under the sun (from a sound in the house to the possibility of a tornado), having anxiety attacks. . .

I started Blogging for Therapy sometime around then since I hate talking about my issues out loud to anyone I’m close to, let alone a stranger. I figured at a minimum, it would help to get some things off my chest, and it has been. Plus, I’ve connected with some other awesome bloggers that experience similar issues, and while it obviously sucks, it helps to know that I’m not alone.

The meds have worked for the most part, with the exception of a few days here and there plus the past week, which has been really rough. “Those thoughts” have been happening again, so it’s time to figure something out again, and I will be contributing to the Blog for Mental Health project with some of my posts in the meantime.

Read more of Anxious Mom’s story. Visit Taking the Pledge for “Blog for Mental Health 2015 Project”: Depression and Anxiety | Blogging for Therapy.

Trigger Warning: Suicidal ideation

Running Heartless

I’ve had depression and anxiety for most of my adult life, but it really started to effect me in college, although I didn’t realize that was my problem at the time. After graduation I had my son EJ and got really bad postpartum depression. And that never went away. I spent a good 2 years in a really dark place. I barely functioned. . .

. . . [A]fter a week or so of [taking walks] I noticed that I was starting to feel motivated and the darkness was not so oppressive. So I decided to start running. I did a ton of research on the positive effects of running on depression and Hubby talked to his psychology professor (who is a former clinical psychologist) and we decided that it was worth trying to see if it helped me at all. . .

Fast forward to today. I’ve had my ups and downs. I’ve had days and weeks (and even close to a whole month back in December) where I basically felt like this (the Heartless representing my depression & anxiety, of course). . .

But overall I’m in a much better place than I was 5 months ago when I started this blog. In about 3 weeks I will have finally worked and conditioned my way to the point where I am running 60 minutes 3 days a week. I am hopeful that once I get to that point I will start to see the effects that were seen in this Harvard Study…or at least I’ll be there after 16 weeks of running that regiment.

Read more of RunningHeartless’ story. Visit Running Away from Anxiety and Depression | Running Heartless.

Bipolar Dad, Bipolar Daughter

I encourage everyone to check out some of the bloggers who contribute to this project. Everyone has different perspectives and different illnesses, but I think it safe to say that every blogger who takes the pledge is interested in promoting a greater understanding of mental health issues and the people who live with them every day.

As stated elsewhere on the site, I am writing about bipolar disorder and how it affects my daughter and I.

Read more of Rob’s story. Visit blog for mental health 2015 | Bipolar Dad, Bipolar Daughter.

Not A Punk Rocker – 2015

Other times, writing only helped her to keep from crying, drinking, puking or whatever else she could do to punish herself for not being what she or others wanted her to be, consciously or not. . .

She hasn’t posted much recently about how she has really been feeling. A few things here and there, but nothing too detailed. It isn’t because she is all better, cured or doing just fine.

Instead, she has started to have trouble finding the words to explain where she is and what she is feeling. Where being rambling and disjointed in her posts never bothered her before, it does now when it comes to the “important” issues. Rather than frustrate herself further by her inability to effectively express herself about something so serious, she just continues to prattle on in this space. Posts here and there, comments everywhere.

Soon, she will be back to using this space to discuss those important life and health subjects, interspersed with the usual discussion of superheroes, music, and silly things. Writer’s block, even when caused by mental health issues, won’t stick around forever. She will be OK until then, because she is here at least. Because no matter what happens, or who reads or comments, this is her space to talk.

Here, with the words she has written before and the ones you have written back, she is surrounded by her friends. She’s found that she is not alone, that there is help, that others do care without keeping score or expecting something in return. Diligence is important, but trust is easier for her to give now than before.

Read more of Sheena’s story. Visit Blogging While Depressed, Tired and Bulimic | Not A Punk Rocker.

Aspernauts

I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2015 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.

Check out Kerry’s very creative pledge post (and story). Visit The BfMH 2015 Project | Aspernauts.

Pride in Madness – 2015

My entire blog is dedicated to mental health, Madness, discrimination and pride in emotional differences so it’s hard for me to think of what to share that might be new or exciting because I have shared it all. I guess I would like to share a new program I am helping develop with Young Ones.

The Mentorship Program offers Toronto youth ages 13-24 with 1:1 support from a peer (ages 18-29) who have similar shared experiences. It is our hope that through building this relationships Mentors will provide a positive role model to Mentees in their recovery. Mentees also will have the opportunity to support Mentors as everyone has something to offer.

I am excited about this new program because it is really taking mental health out of the traditional therapy, even support group, setting and making it more natural. I know some of my greatest support and positive progress has come because a friend has been there to support me. This is what I want to give to these youth.

Read more of Kristen’s story. Visit Blog for Mental Health 2015! | Pride in Madness.

In The Mind of Men

Often feeling alone and afraid while going through the most intense stress, anxiety and depression, people who are mentally ill suffer one of the last acceptable prejudices and few will ever truly be cured.

Though I have not had a true low point for about a year or more, I don’t think for one moment that I will never return to those dark places. I use Mindfulness and CBT as preventive measures and it is working. I am happier than I have been in a long time – but I remain ever on guard.

This blog has had a much stronger focus the last twelve months as I find my writing niche and the issues that are most important to me. These days, I specifically discuss mental health issues relevant to men. Why? Becaue while women are more likely to be diagnosed with and treated for mental illness, over 75% of suicides in the western world are men. Something isn’t right here and we need to start treating mental illness as a gender issue and highlighting the extra stigma and expectations that men face.

Read more of Frank’s story. Visit Blog For Mental Health 2015 – My Pledge | In The Mind of Men.

The Elephant in the Room – 2015

It’s not like anything specific had triggered this, and in all honesty, it had been coming for a while, just the month before I had terrified a trainee doctor when I came hysterically crying in her office explaining that I couldn’t sleep or motivate myself. “Do you feel suicidal” she said. Yes I replied. “Have you made a plan?” She said, No, I replied. I lied. I had made a pact with myself in February that I would kill myself in August had my life not turned around. Now it was September and nothing had changed, but I was still here. She prescribed sleeping pills doubled my dose of prozac and took a huge sigh of relief when I stopped hysterically crying and began to speak more clearly. She told me that if things got worse, I had to come back earlier than the 2 weeks she had suggested.

I have always hated that about doctors “if things get worse come back sooner” How do I judge when things are worse? When does worse, become worst? I’ve talked before about how I am unable to really judge what constitutes my mental health reaching a point where it is “worse” the gradual deterioration of me, is not great drop, but a smooth slope. I don’t see myself getting worse because I am with myself constantly. . .

But the point is suddenly I felt given up on. My doctor couldn’t help me and now he was palming me off to someone he assumed might be able to. When you become a doctor I assume it’s because you want to help people. Was it ok for me to be upset to feel almost “dumped” by a doctor I had invested my time and honesty about my mental health problems? I wanted him to help me. That’s why I had picked him out of all of the doctors I had seen over the first few months of my diagnosis. After this I always made my appointments with him, because I thought he understood. I thought he could help. . .

Some of the things I write about here I could never discuss out loud with anyone. Why? Because they hurt that much. I’m not ready. And I’m sure a lot of people with mental health problems will understand the idea of “not being ready”. . .

Read more of The Elephant’s story. Visit Pitty and fear: Or, Why I Am Not Yet Ready To Be Referred | The Elephant in the Room.

Trigger Warning: Brief mention of self-harm

Moze

I started having symptoms around when I was about 9 years old. I would become paranoid when my parents went to work. I figured what they were really doing was going to a secret warehouse complete with cameras and microphones, watching my every move in the house, through the tv screens.

I got older and I noticed kids and teens around my school would follow me, legitamely bully me, and watch me. I supposed they were planning to jump me or possibly kill me. I had to goto my first psychiatric hospital at 13, for depression and self injury. The first of about 20+ later on down the line. . .

Fast forward to now, I’m 24. Between 18 and 24 (now), I’ve been hauled off to many psych facilites by law enforcement, on disability, and almost had charges against me for assaulting someone who I thought was following me and watching my every move.

Read more of Moze’s story. Visit Blog For Mental Health 2015 | Moze.