Sometimes, I get all too caught up with living with several mental illnesses that it feels like that is all my life is about. It is all I am. I have forgotten what it was like not to have to report to my doctor and counselor weekly, I have forgotten what it was like not to have to swallow half a dozen or so tablets in one go. Forgotten what is like to live a normal day, sleep a normal night; have a normal schedule with things to look forward to. It feels like a dream at times though I have never actually gone to sleep. I have forgotten what it is like not to be afraid of razor blades, I have forgotten what it is like to shop for jewelry for its’ prettiness rather than its’ practicality for covering up wounds caused by self-infliction. . .
Today I made a choice, one that did not come lightly. For a fair while now I have had one assessment to complete and hand so I could pass a unit. It is no secret that I have had a tough semester this year at university. . . I decided today, that something just has to give, and if I must I have settled on redoing the unit next year. This means that my plans to do a master’s degree in social work will be set back further- but in the scheme of things I am not to bothered by this.
But.. I fear that I will not be able to financially support myself much longer, as I am already skating on thin ice, in that department. Get a job they say, I am barely able to cope with my university work as it is let alone having the commitments of a job on top of that. Choose your priorities they say, this time last year I was peer mentoring for two separate organizations, public speaking and engaging in activism surrounding disability issues and was on community radio and in a lot of leadership programs on top of blogging, university coursework and managing my health. This year, I am a resident advisor and I am on community radio (I will be leaving this role shortly)- all the other commitments, I have had to drop due to an unforeseen relapse in mental health.
Read the rest of the story! Visit Took The Pledge 2014 blog for mental health project: Update | Beautiful Contemplations.