Daily Archives: 2014/07/21

dontcallmemental

I can still remember the summer when depression waltzed itself into my life and slowly but surely begun taking over every aspect of it; it was the summer of 2010 and after having some repressed memories begin to really surface and my sexuality becoming an issue, depression begun to thrive.

I guess, for me at first, my depression wasn’t something too unbearable, in fact at the time I don’t think I would have ever insinuated that I was depressed; I had changed though, things i once enjoyed no longer interested me, and I’d hit an age where sexuality was coming into question, and i guess realising i was bi-sexual and dealing with memories I had ignored for many years didn’t exactly help the fact i was sad most of the time.

I really cannot pinpoint, though, when I first self harmed. Which is funny, right? They always say you’ll remember the first time you self harmed but I honestly cannot pinpoint the moment I first started, I guess I’m thankful for that though because it means I cant dwell on a set point in time I wish I could change, it is what it is and I must learn to recover from it and move on.

Read the post in its entirety! Visit dontcallmemental – Mental Health Awareness.

Trigger warning: Very vague discussion of self-harm/eating disorder, suicide

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Phoenix – The Rebirth of My Life

June 2014, the depression I was diagnosed with at age 13 now is Major Depressive Disorder (formally known as clinical depression). In addition to depression, I have also been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and a not specified anxiety and bipolar disorder.

After spending a month in a psychiatric hospital, I became one with my mental illness and became very open about my illness. This openness is the reason why I published my blog in June 2014.

My goal is to raise mental illness awareness, stop the stigma, and help save a precious life. My mental health is just as important as my intellectual health, physical heath, spiritual health, and emotional health.

Read the rest of the post in its entirety! Visit Phoenix – The Rebirth of My Life – Blog For Mental Health 2014.

Trigger Warning: Self-harm, suicide

Nonsense & Shenanigans

I started struggling with my mental health when I was 16 years old. I went to see a therapist, who told me I had Borderline Personality Disorder. However, a week or so later I was happy to have a new boyfriend, so she told me I was all better. I stopped seeing her immediately and didn’t seek treatment again until recently.

It’s been a long process. I’ve been through ups and downs and extremes and stability over the past ten years. It was a struggle, but I was always able to manage somehow (at least I thought I was), so I just figured my case wasn’t particularly bad and went about my life.

Last fall things got really bad. And they’ve been getting progressively worse. All of my relationships are either shaky or over, my passions have dwindled, my grades were affected, I can’t get a job. Most days it’s hard to even get out of bed. . .

I finally made my first appointment to see a therapist in ten years. Actually, I made three separate appointments to see three separate therapists. Which gives me hope.

Read the post in its entirety! Visit Nonsense & Shenanigans – Blog for Mental Health 2014.

That’s What Ron Said…

While I wouldn’t wish this illness on anyone, I do like knowing that other people have dealt with the anger, frustration, helplessness, hopelessness and emotional cycles that I go through. I like knowing that there are people out there that I can look up to and be inspired by their struggles and stories and successes.

Mental health is an issue that needs to be taken seriously…whether you have your own issues or not. I know this has never really hit home as much as it has this year. When my BPD reared its ugly head and decided to take over my life four months ago in a very serious and detrimental way with the breakdown to end the farce that was my life up to that point, it really hit me hard that my parents shut me out when I needed them the most. I know they do not understand what is going on, and I know that they don’t really believe that mental disorders are a real, painful, harmful, and intense entity, but it still hurts nonetheless. Being told that I needed to get over it, suck it up, grow up, etc is/was not a pleasant experience for me…and sadly just inflated my abandonment issues to epic proportions. But as much as it hurts for them to leave me to deal with this alone—by not “coddling or encouraging me” as it was so eloquently put—I know I have to put that pain aside to deal with the very real issues that are sitting on my chest just waiting to crush me.

Read the post in its entirety! Visit That’s What Ron Said… – Blogging for Mental Health Pledge-2014.

Hello, My Name is Ketta Jeanette

There really is a fear to getting better. I want so badly to make progress but I don’t want anything to be expected from me because there’s a 65% chance I’ll disappoint you. My health, both physical and mental, are truly handicaps. I’m embarrassed to admit it because I wish I could be stronger, but I’m not. For a really long time it felt like no one believed me either and so it only makes the way I feel even worse. I feel looked down on. As if maybe I was too quick to say that there’s something wrong with me or that I’m just being over the top dramatic. I don’t know what else to say except, my life is dramatic. Let me tell you the story of my life and you’ll think I belong in a Spanish Novela. I only know this because that is exactly the kind of comments I’ve gotten when I tell people about myself, my life, or just what’s going on lately.

That’s not to say that I have a “bad” life – because I don’t. It’s just dramatic and really pulls at my emotions. As would anyone’s life, but the difference is that my coping skills aren’t very good. People think they are. I’ve had one close teacher tell me that I remain positive despite what I go through, while other students complain over trivial things. Maybe it’s because I’ve been sitting in class thinking that my own problems are trivial, everyone has the same battle of the mind as me, and it could be worse for someone else.

Read the rest of the post in its entirety! Visit Hello, My Name is Ketta Jeanette – Emotional Conundrum.