You are just 5 years old. You are innocent. You have never done anything wrong. All you wanted was to be accepted, loved and held. But nothing was given to you. You felt left out, abandoned, ignored, criticized, abused verbally, psychologically and physically by your parents and teachers those who you trusted. You never felt safe, cared for and comfortable. You suffered from anxiety, anger, disappointment, sorrow, worries, unworthiness, and loss. You were miserable. You felt so stuck, trapped, and hurt. There was no way out for you. You were too scared to get hurt again by any other human-beings. I see you naked and frozen with countless scars all over your body in the dark alone. You have been in that state for 35 years inside my body deep inside my subconsciousness. You are scared to death beyond words. You have been hurt, scarred and hurt again, again, again, and again before your scars got healed. Countless wounds with bleeding. You had no voice. You had no power. You were completely helpless and hopeless. You just wanted your life to be ended but too scared to end your own life. You were too young to kill yourself. I see you now. I know that you exist in me. I am so sorry that I have not paid attention to all the signs that you have sent me for the past 35 years by having me paralyzed, frozen, sick with all kinds of physical pain and symptoms. How could I not recognize that you were there despite all the signs that you were sending off so hard and consistently?
I still see you alone in the dark. Shall I come by and give you my hand? You are too scared to look at me. You wouldn’t turn your head over me. Do you want me to hold you? Would you like to be held? I know you have never been held by anybody. But I am here now. May I come slowly and carefully giving you a hug?
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