You Are Not Alone – Mental Health and Dissociative Amnesia : My healing journey has just begun!

I did some research online to learn about Dissociative Amnesia today. It made me feel uncomfortable to accept that I have mental health issues but also realized without self-acceptance, I would not get better. I think it’s NOT shameful to have experience mental health issues and to seek for help and solutions for healing. I do want to get better and happier overcoming this long and heavy shadow and clouds of pain that my body and mind have been carrying for over 30 years of my life. How hard it must have been? It’s time for me to cut off this vicious cycle and move forward. . .

After three visits with a Korean female psychiatrist and 2 hour-psychological tests with a clinical psychologist, Dr. Soh told me that she would like to try clinical hypnosis for my next appointment regarding dissociative amnesia. She told me that dissociative amnesia was the way how I have dealt with traumatic events and emotional distress since I was young. EMDR wouldn’t work well with me because I couldn’t remember the past events well and how they made me feel. I have had a very difficult time to recognize my feelings and to understand what they are and mean to me throughout my life because my parents were emotionally, psychologically and verbally extremely abusive to me without any emotional coaching and I learned not to express my emotions by repressing them because of even more abuses coming from them when I expressed my thoughts and feelings as a child. I became very withdrawn keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself as a loner throughout all school years and was very lonely and isolated lost in my thoughts and feelings that I eventually was unable to recognize and forget later years.

I keep a positive mind listening to positive affirmations on audio book when I am home alone. There is just so much negativity out here in Seoul. When I was in San Francisco Bay area, I felt and experienced so much better and healthier psychic environment for me to get healed both mentally and physically. Most physical symptoms were relieved and I could not feel any better when I was visiting there for extended periods of time. That’s why I made three trips to San Francisco Bay area one after another. I had amazing support from old and new friends who were so kind and generous to me with compassion and empathy allowing me to stay with them and taking care of me. I started finding myself slowly and gradually let go of all kinds of emotional and psychological hang-ups and issues that are associated with social, cultural and familiar backgrounds and history of mine.

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Trigger Warning: Sexual assault/rape/domestic violence