Thought of going to church for a few seconds but lost the track of time while reading blogs and Web sites on histrionic personality disorder and somatization disorder. I received the results from psychological tests ( 1. Korean-Wechsier Adult Intelligence Scale: Doppelt version, 2. Bender Gestalt Test, 3. House-Tree-Person Test, 4. Roschach Ink Blot Test, 5. MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory), 6. Sentence Completion Test, 7. Clinical Interview ) last Friday with a psychiatrist. It was suggestive of 1. Somatization disorder, 2. Personality problem (Histrionic tendency), 3. Intensive individual psychotherapy. Dr. Soh suggested psychoanalysis treatment and hypnotherapy. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with her at 4 p.m. Pretty excited about how this therapy would help me get better. With the limited time and support unto 8 free sessions with this psychiatrist recommended by my counselor at Korean sex crime crisis center whom I met once last month, I am committed to doing everything I can to recover from my mental health issues. . .
I want to get better, heal and be happier. I have suffered from sharp and overwhelming pain, horror, terror, loneliness, depression, anxiety, and sorrow silently for over 30 years. No more. I want joy, happiness, laughter, enlightenment and love. I want to put all the past behind and move forward. No more vicious relationship cycle with emotionally unavailable or impossible men. I want to focus on positivity and good feelings now. There is no tomorrow. Only now exists.
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