You Are Not Alone – Happy with excitement, yet worried about rejection.

Tonight, S. told me that he was also interested in exploring a deeper relationship with me. I totally did not expect to hear that from him. I started telling him how much I wanted to be with me and how hard it made me feel with emotional conflict. He has been thinking about it lately with realization that he has become more and more busy with his career and he would not have time for a normal romantic relationship. Most women would not want a relationship with him because he is too busy with his work and unavailable. Would that make him more positive about pursuing a long distance relationship with me because he is unavailable for a normal relationship with someone locally so that it wouldn’t really make any difference anyway for him despite our distance? He’s a software engineer using more logic than feelings unlike me. I was actually thinking about that, too. He is too busy with work anyway and has really no chance to date someone out there who would tolerate his unavailability. He is too busy to date and build a relationship when he works for 12 hours, goes to bed by 9 or 10 p.m. and gets up at 4 or 5 a.m. He lives with his mother in her studio paying her rent and sleeping on the floor to save money. He wants to buy her a house in 2 years when she gets retired in Seattle and plans on living and working overseas. He’s focusing on building his career and saving money for that. He talked about coming to Korea and living and working with me as a possibility. Well, I asked him to choose Korea and he said yes. We both like each other, find each other very attractive and enjoy each other’s company. If/when we are living in the same geographic area, nothing should stop us from being in a relationship, should it? I refuse to be his platonic roommate. . .

I . . . expressed my emotional conflict with my unrequited love knowing he was unwilling to try out a relationship with me because of long distance. For me, it’s the person whom matters the most, not other conditions. He’s the most handsome, attractive, charming and beautiful man in the universe to me. Yes, I am crazy about him and am into him. Every time I look at his photo and his face on Skype/FaceTime, my heart beats fast with excitement. I get hypnotized. It’s real and rare. I know it’s special.

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