. . . I came across something wonderful. A collective group of like-minded individuals who are raising awareness for mental health and breaking down the stigmas that surrounds it. I contacted them to tell them about my blog and they kindly said if I take the pledge, then my little blog will be included in their massive Blogroll. I said “Blogroll”.
If Hollywood has taught me correctly, I believe I need to put my right hand over my heart while I read aloud the pledge. As this is a blog though, I’m gonna have to type it at the same time – with one hand. Good thing I’m a lefty then!!
Through out my childhood and especially my adolescent years I would be found just sitting down and staring into space. I was told that only “mental patients” did that and how could I just do this ? I would have tears well into my eyes randomly and I was always teased that I had an “on” switch somewhere that I could flip to turn on the water works. Over time I looked at this logically (because that’s the only way I could make sense of things) & learnt to not be emotional or at least hide my emotions in cases where I couldn’t control them. I was told that I wasn’t really any use to the family and I was plain useless. One thing though I will mention, that I never had any pressure to perform academically like a lot of kids usually do. I looked around and I started to push myself and work a lot harder – because I had a tough time at school, paying attention in class and learning. I felt worthless and I knew I absolutely had to prove myself to myself first & then the world. So this is how “work” became my coping mechanism and my safe place.
I did go on to get my engineering degree and go on to grad school. I decided I wanted to move away for grad school and I did. During this time, I always thought everyone else who felt home sick was just being a baby because I wasn’t homesick. I was happy for most part. I started to not do well in grad school and this was again a problem for me in terms of self worth. On some level I knew I could never go home even though I was told that I could always come home and that there would always be a place for me. To me that wasn’t an option. I got into a bad relationship around this time where the guy was abusive too but not physically abusive. My best friend lived in Texas at the time and she helped me get out of the relationship by talking to me on the phone constantly. When he tried to get back in my life and I wasn’t strong enough myself, she flew up to spend time with me. . .
“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.”
I’ve gotten questions, and they bewilder me.
“Why do you feel the need to help everyone?”
“Why do you care so much?”
“What if they don’t want your help?”
“Don’t you realize you can’t help the world?”
“You don’t know these people, why do you make their issues your problem?”
I understand all of your concerns
I understand your reasons and your beliefs
However… I think you and those who have made you that way are wrong.
I can’t help the world
Not everyone wants my help
Not everyone CAN be helped
But I at least have to try
I’m fighting for the smiles that have been taken
spreading them like crazy all over
extending my reach as far as I can
I was verbally, emotionally and physically abused as a child except, I didn’t see it that way. I wasn’t the kind of child who would just take it, instead I talked back a lot and developed quite a scorn for my abuser & challenged & baited them too. I was told since I was 5 years old that I had to be the stronger and more mature one even though I was the child in this situation that involved adults. This made me feel helpless a lot of times but also helped me in a different way. The fact that someone thought I could be strong and mature and made me feel that I could handle this & I actually did! Now, the thing I didn’t or couldn’t realize was that just because one can walk barefoot over a rocky surface doesn’t mean one isn’t going to get some bruises and scratches along the way.
When one is in a bad situation, one is too preoccupied coping, rationalizing, justifying and hiding. It is because of that, its important for the onlookers and society to be understanding, compassionate and supportive.