Phylor’s Blog

With the real world unable to provide me with any therapeutic modality, I turned to the virtual world. I’d been blogging since 2009, but always felt more comfortable discussing physical rather than mental/emotional pain. Private and public writing became my therapy. A potential diagnosis of bipolar 2 disorder (never confirmed, assessed or evaluated) gave me a self-forgiveness lens to look back at what I thought were moral and judgmental lapses, self-inducted failures and lost of dreams, and inherited and acquired character flaws, and separate me from my mental illness. These were symptoms, not symbols.

My blog posts are often as bleak and dark as my mindscape can be. My fiction, prose and poetry show how fragile and damaged I can feel. My lack of measurable progress, and my many relapses don’t make for enjoyable, comfortable, or pleasant reading. But, by sharing some of demons that haunt me, by opening up, by forcing thoughts out of my head and on to the computer screen, I’m trying recover; to gain back what I’ve lost.

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