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Anxiety and the Girl

Hi there, I’m Catalina. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder – essentially I put the ‘girl’ in Anxiety and the Girl and GAD does the rest haha. Just kidding – there’s much more to a person than their mental illness! Everyone comes at it in their own way. Through my blog, I try to document some of my personal experiences and opinions.

. . . There’s something incredibly special about sharing these deepest and often most carefully hidden personal struggles. If you write about mental health, consider joining this amazing project.

Read the post in its entirety!  Visit Blog For Mental Health 2014 | Anxiety and the Girl.

Depression, Parenting and Me

“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.”

Learn more!  Visit Blog for Mental Health 2014 | Depression, Parenting and Me.

Crazy Good Parent

Good days, I whip through my morning routine. Bad days, like today, I flounder until I remember I can drag myself out of the darkness by ticking off responsibilities one by one. I brush my teeth and wash my face. Tick. I take my meds. Tick. I feed the dog. Tick. By the time I’ve gotten through the list, I feel better, almost hopeful. I’ve accomplished something, even when I skip the final task: cleaning the dog’s leavings in the yard. . .

I’ve tried managing my mental by myself, but it doesn’t work. It’s one of the reasons I decided to start Crazy Good Parent. Where my neurotypical friends, family and acquaintances find it ridiculous that I think I’m a lazy worthless moron, my fellow crazy parents find it completely normal and that makes me feel less alone.

I hope Crazy Good Parent does the same for others. I am committed to offering a platform for parents with mental disorders to have their voices heard.

Read the post in its entirety!  Visit Speaking to Stigma: Blogging for Mental Health 2014 | Crazy Good Parent.

Positively Depressed – New Coping Skills are Definitely in Order

I love her unconditionally, more than she realizes, more than she probably wants me too. I love my daughter more than anyone else. Yet, she has truly tested me this week. She made me doubt my own worth, my love for myself, and made me doubt my self-acceptance.

But I wake another day to face the challenges thrown at me, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

I have got to come up with some better, different coping skills. I need to be ready, ready for anything. I have to remain strong. She needs me no matter how hard she tries to push me away.

But I will continue to get back up everytime I fall, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

Read the rest of the story!  Visit Positively Depressed: New Coping Skills are Definitely in Order.

The Crazy Katze – Static Medications. . . Am I Normal?

My family has a history of being treatment resistant to medications for mental disorders. Granted, it’s always been depression, but still. I went through I think 9 different anti-depressants, all different classes and none worked. So I’ve told my doctor that I’m worried about this. After all, I’m on the original medications that we started me on over a year ago/9 months ago. Given the history in my family, my own personal history with medications…I am worried about what will happen. I know that, according to my doctor, most bipolar patients have to go through several types of medications to find one that works, along with other strategies to cope with the disorder. Same with OCD.

I mean “static” in the sense not of dosages, but of actual types. See, being on the original medications that I was given after my diagnosis and learning what I really had, that isn’t really what I was given to expect. So I wonder how normal it is. I mean, how many people can say that they haven’t had to, 1.25 years in, had to tweak even something? And given my history of medication failures, I’m not sure how at ease I am with this. I don’t want to bother trouble for myself in worrying too much, but I am aware of what the risks are. And switching medications is not going to be pleasant (should it happen), because I know how much time that’s going to take, and what I’m likely to go through.

It’s just not what I was led to expect at all. Medication is supposed to be a finicky beast that requires constant tinkering and monitoring. (Not that I don’t monitor it, my doctor and I are constantly monitoring my medication) It’s supposed to be difficult to find something that works. Or at least, that’s what I thought would happen. I’m just not sure how usual it is to be able to have a steady, mostly stable self on the very first medications that one is given.

Read the rest of the story!  Visit Static Medications… Am I Normal? | The Crazy Katze.

Rearranging Letters – T is for Today vs. Yesterday (and Tomorrow)

Today was okay. Yesterday was bad (but not horrible. Horrible is when I think of death).

Today I only slept 10 hours. Yesterday I slept 18.

Today I gave myself a sponge bath (a shower was too much), got dressed, combed my hair. Yesterday I spent the day in my nightgown, unwashed, uncombed. . .

Today I have hope. Hope that tomorrow will be better. Perhaps tomorrow I will have enough energy to shower, to go for a walk, to be productive. Maybe tomorrow will be a day when I can grin and giggle, laugh and cry, dance and see the beauty of the world.

Tomorrow will probably not be great. Great is too much to ask for. Great days are days of belly laughs and happy tears, children and cats, blue skies and warm sunshine, unsolicited hugs and gentle kisses. Great days have boundless energy, completed projects, gainful employment. Great days are out of my reach.

Today I have hope that tomorrow will be good, not great but good. Because today was better than yesterday.

Read the rest of the story by visiting T is for Today vs. Yesterday (and Tomorrow) « Rearranging Letters.

rosie brown: fighting the stigma

I have been blogging for about 3 weeks now, and this post is just to emphasise my commitment to blogging about Mental Health and fighting the stigma. I have been suffering with mental health problems since the age of 14 and have since found it very difficult to discuss my problems with family and friends. But this wasn’t their fault. It is, I believe because of the lack of general understanding about mental health issues. I want to blog to shed some light on what it is like to suffer from a Mental Health illness and just some general thoughts/ rambling about Mental Health. . .

Keep reading and sharing to help fight the stigma.

Read the post in its entirety!  Visit Blog for Mental Health 2014: I’m doing my bit | rosie brown: fighting the stigma.

Mom ‘N Daughter Savings – Depression Isn’t Going To Control Me Today – Do You Think You Have It?

One thing I’d like you all to know is that depression can control your thoughts.  When you start thinking you’re a failure or something is all your fault, that life’s not worth living or that people would be better off without you, remember that’s the Depression Trying To Control Your Thoughts!

So, know that these things are not true!  The people that love you want you to be around! Think about how much they mean to you (people you love), well, that’s how much you mean to them!

I used to think that some people would be better off without me in their lives. I wasn’t contemplating suicide or anything, I just thought they would be.  I don’t feel like that now. I know they love and need and want me around.  Imperfections and all.

When I feel overwhelmed, unconfident, indecisive, unhappy and just plain miserable, I know it’s the depression.  Over the years I’ve learned to control some of these feelings, some of the time.  For instance when I feel overwhelmed, which I do a lot, I take a deep breath and tell myself to slow down and do one little thing at a time.  This really helps me.  Like when I want to clean out a cupboard, I tell myself, just take one thing out at a time and put it away or throw it away.  This really does work. Try it sometime!

. . . We can’t always figure out the cause of depression or change difficult problems.  The most important thing is to recognize the symptoms and get help.  It can go on for months or even years, the best thing to do is start with your doctor and see if he thinks you need a specialist, like a therapist.  I actually love going to therapy.  I feel so good when I leave there!  Just make sure you really like the person you’re talking to.

Read the post in its entirety!  Visit Depression Isn’t Going To Control Me Today – Do You Think You Have It? – Mom ‘N Daughter Savings.

Hurt – BPD Journals

I have just “come out” with my mental illness. I have been keeping it inside for over 20 years. I have so much to say and to share about my experiences with BPD. It has been so refreshing and such a release since I started my blog last year. I have hardly any viewers right now, but even if I can connect with just one person, then I will feel that my efforts are worth while. . .

I hope to find others living with BPD. It is so surprising when I read about others with the same feelings.

Read the post in its entirety!  Visit Hurt – BPD Journals: Blog For Mental Health 2014.

Mental Illness Insights (Mii™)

Please include in your post as little or as much as you would like about your experiences with mental health.

I hid this section last year, and my willingness to share a little bit more shows my progress. Mental health is a subject I am affiliated because after going through complex trauma, I was left with trauma related depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder. All of this has affected my thinking about people. Writing and standing for mental health has put some meaning into my life, and I’m proud to share and stand for this part of life that could benefit others.

I have been in therapy for about 4-5 years now, so I am experienced with the process of getting help, finding information, research, what it’s like in in-patient hospital programs, one-on-one therapy, theories, wild ideas about diagnoses and more. This blog is my way of sharing what I know.

Read the post in its entirety!  Visit Blog for Mental Health 2014 | Mental Illness Insights (Mii™).

We Don’t Chew Glass

Depression is like this crushing weight, this mantle of sadness that you can’t take off.  And it is so heavy.  You don’t want to wear it, because it makes everything seem pointless and it drags the ground wherever you go.  You try to stand up under the weight of it, but it is persistent, and it pulls you down and down until you feel so small and insignificant that you think you might disappear.  And if it is really bad, you think everyone might be better off if you did.

Depression is sticky, like a spider’s web, and you’ll try and try, and you might think you finally got it all off, only to find that you can’t breathe and you can’t see and all you can feel is guilt – guilt that you’re crazy, and sticky, and always crying.  Guilt for not being strong enough to throw off the cloak and clean up the webs.  Guilt for being weak and for being in pain and for just wanting to hide.

Depression is like this bottomless pit and you just keep falling.  You might reach out and try to stop the fall – or you might be so far down in the dark that you don’t think you’re worth saving.

Read the post in its entirety!  Visit Blog for Mental Health Project | We Don’t Chew Glass.