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The Cosmic Carousel

I live with depression. I was first diagnosed when I was in my mid-thirties, but have experienced the symptoms of severe depression since I was an adolescent. Of course, I’ve experienced joyful times, unhappy times, successes & failures,… just like everyone. It’s just that sometimes the filter through which I experience life is fogged. There is a history of depression, suicide attempts, alcoholism, and other mental illnesses in my family. It’s not their fault any more than it is mine. This is a curse visited upon the generations of my family. We treat it the best ways we can, based on the understanding we have at the time.

I also recognize the symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Disorder in my life, though this is not an “official” diagnosis. I’m still finding the ability to tell the story of my experiences with this. Honesty is the best policy, but looking the Gorgon in the face has dire consequences.

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Maree Roche

You see, bipolar disorder for me was a blessing because it gave me permission to rid my life of what wasn’t working anymore, the courage to accept new change and to discover new adventures. Because of bipolar disorder, the blessings continue.  Sure, I know you know our old acquaintances, depression & mania, but I’ve learned to live with them when they decide to gate crash our abode every now and again.

So here’s to our genre, to exfoliation – to shedding our skin and creating one that fits us, perfectly, with all our imperfections , filters, whims and quirks – just how we like it.

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The Magical Thinker

I had to make some hard decisions along the way, but I put myself and my health first. I’ve surrounded myself with loving and supportive people. Their optimism rubbed off on me, and I too have become a positive person because of them. I’m not completely recovered, and I still have bad nights. But that’s okay. I’ve gained an amazing support system, and without them, I don’t know where I would be today. I have people there for me no matter what, and I know I’m not alone.

Before I run away with this post, I think I’ll wrap it up. There are two things I had to learn the hard way through my struggle. There is nothing wrong with having emotions, and your mental illness does not define you. Keep fighting on. You can beat this!

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A Borderline Life

It’s my first year of participating in this project and I’m excited to be involved!

I hope everyone who is currently following my blog enjoys what they’re reading and finds it informative and interesting. If there is anything you’d like me to write about or discuss, please let me know. I will be more than happy to take requests for blog entries etc.

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